ME: How It Should Have Been
by Iongcat
Summary: Series of short excursions from the canon storyline. Inspired by dialogue options I *wish* existed for my Shepard. In universe, in character, aimed at humor.


Have you ever been frustrated that none of the dialogue options in a certain scene of Mass Effect 2 suits you? Have you ever hoped that the story line would diverge into a wildly different direction than the one that BioWare had dictated to be canon? Then the following series of independent short stories is for you. It is Mass Effect: How It Should Have Been, or ME: HISHB. Starring Marion Shepard, Spacer/War Hero Vanguard, the most Machiavellian Paragon you will ever meet. Requests are welcome.

- Da Da Da Da -

"What the _hell _are you doing?" Jacob stared down at Wilson's lifeless body, and then back at Miranda's pale, impassive face, clearly stunned beyond his belief.

"My job. Wilson betrayed us all." Miranda said nonchalantly, stowing her pistol back onto her belt.

'Wow, she's not only competent, but also ruthless! We would get along famously.' Marion thought. "I have a feeling that Wilson was just looking for a chance to shoot me in the back."

"Good instincts. Some people are far too trusting to ever see that coming." Miranda's steel blue eyes glinted with a hint of approval. "Come on, let's grab a shuttle and get out of here."

"Where are we going?" asked Marion conversationally.

"Another Cerberus station. The Illusive Man is waiting for you there."

"And you don't expect me to refuse because I should be grateful to Cerberus for giving me my body back", said Marion, who tried hard to keep any note of sarcasm out of her voice.

"No. I don't expect you to refuse because this is the only shuttle off the station. Unless you want to stay here with the mechs", said Miranda haughtily.

Commander Marion Shepard hesitated for a split second. Then she made a decision. Her body flickered with a brilliant shade of blue. There was a sound like a wind gushing through a tunnel.

Jacob Taylor is now encased in a glowy, transparent bubble like a giant hamster ball, his open-mouthed look of surprise frozen in time, exposing his less-than commendable dental condition.

"What the hell was that?" Miranda turned to Shepard, her biotics flaring in turn, a look of mixed annoyance and suspicion distorting her elegant features. "Explain yourself!"

'Oh how bossy! Glad that stuff Liara taught me still works though. Better than before, I should say', Marion thought, putting on a look of embarrassment . She smiled guiltily, like a little girl being scolded for dropping food onto the floor.

"My biotics are still a bit unstable, you see." She said meekly. "I'm not yet used to these new amps that you have given me. What are they by the way?" she asked in an tone of genuine curiosity.

"They're L5X implants, newest model from Serrice Council for elite Commando captains, and not widely in use yet. The Illusive Man obtained their schematics before most of the Asari Republics did." There was an unmistakable hint of pride in Miranda's voice. Her gesture also relaxed visibly.

Marion quickly scanned the surroundings. No other survivors in sight. All paths seemed empty except for dead bodies and broken mechs on this otherwise spotlessly clean station. She felt the damping in her bioamps decrease – these L5X's are incredible! She only needed to stall one second longer.

"What happened to my old Savant X?" She said, looking far into the distance over Miranda's left shoulder, as if reminiscing.

"Well, they were..." Miranda opened her mouth to answer. Then a mixture of surprise and anger dawned on her face. But it was too late.

She staggered backwards as Shepard collided with her like a giant comet encased in blue flames during atmospheric reentry. The snarl of rage had barely escaped her throat when she felt an electrifying numbness gripping her right wrist as Shepard delivered a precision kick which sent her pistol flying, bouncing off the wall. Then, two pistol shots aimed at her shield harness and she had nothing left except spandex to protect her. The last thing she saw was Shepard's gleeful face inches in front of hers, a pistol stuck into her bountiful bosom by a lightning fast hand.

Shepard's voice came squeaky like a chipmunk, but quickly faded back to normal.

"MIRanda," the trigger clicked and Miranda felt an icy knife puncture her chest bone, and a freezing sensation began to spread all over her body. All she managed was a defiant look, before Shepard had side stepped her and was now wrenching her arms backwards, dislocating either one or both of her shoulders before she was completely frozen.

"_Cryo rounds only because you saved my life._" Shepard finished, gently laying Miranda's frozen body onto the ground. Then she turned her head suddenly towards Taylor, whose look of stunned surprise was now mixed with a bit of terror, and whose mouth was opened a bit wider, revealing more of his unappealing teeth. The Stasis Field must be wearing off. She was just in time.

Marion flashed a toothy, shark-like grin at Jacob, and was pleased to note that small beads of sweat had formed on the man's forehead, before Jacob fell to the ground, gasping for breath as the Stasis Field collapsed.

She stooped and picked up Jacob's pistol with her left hand and twirled it around her left index finger.

"Now, dear Jacob," she said in an alluring voice, as Jacob gargled, still sprawled on the ground. "You have three options," she emptied another bullet of her right hand pistol, this time into Miranda's impossibly curvy behind, as Miranda was showing signs of thawing. 'Damn bitch is going to steal all the guys from me with that skimpy outfit,' she thought angrily, before turning back to Jacob.

"Option One is to help me hand this dangerous terrorist and top Cerberus operative to the Alliance – I'm sure the Alliance is willing to pardon you, with past service records as excellent as yours." She said in a bored voice, and Jacob was finally managing to get up.

"Please sit! We might as well be comfortable." She noticed with amusement that Jacob is sweating profusely now, as the man put his butt back on the ground, his head hanging, his eyes resolutely fixed upon the floor, his teeth clenched.

"Option Two, is to stay at this station while I fly off with Miranda, and prepare a report to the Illusive Man about this... situation. But I heard he's not a really forgiving person, now is he?" Jacob shook his head like a dog trying to get dry after a shower, biting his lips and still avoiding eye contact.

"Option Three, is to _try_," she put a lot of emphasis on the word 'try', "and fight me. But I think you're a smarter man than that." She finished smugly.

Jacob let out a grunt, shrugged, and finally looked up. His eyes showed anger, and there was a resolute look upon his face. "Whatever Shepard, you're the boss now."

Her expression became serious. "I look forward to working with you, Mr Taylor." She offered her hand, her biotics flaring at the same time. He hesitated, then they shook hands and he got up.

"Good. Tie her up." He looked at his pistol in her left hand, but she put it on her belt instead. "Uh-uh, that will have to wait. Now, tie her up before I have to put another bullet in her."

He dutifully obeyed, fumbling to extricate the syringes full of sedatives from Wilson's dead body. Wilson was his friend, his drinking buddy. He would have asked so many questions before offing him like that, but today's show is run by brutal bitches. He cursed his fate and gave Miranda a strong dose of the sedatives, putting her mercifully into a painless sleep.

"Let's hope you're a better boss than Miranda." He said grumpily, as he began to drag Miranda's limp form towards the shuttle, and was surprised when Shepard caught Miranda's feet to help him. She had already started the shuttle's engines, which were humming for take off.

"You're setting the bar awfully low for me." She said, a mocking look of hurt on her face. "I don't kill my subordinates," she paused for a second, "without _questioning_ them first."


End file.
